I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
