you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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