So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
