so explain again why im purple
no
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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