Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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