Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
