I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
