a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
