Cold hands, warm shart.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
