Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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