You smell like stripper and shame
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
