How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
