we need to drink 2009 down the drain
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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