Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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