I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
