Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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