Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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