Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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