i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
