I accidentally had phone sex last night
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
