jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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