i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
