Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
someone owes me an orgasm
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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