Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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