I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
