Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
