Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
