oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
the condom got lost in my hair
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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