He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Someone signed my nipple.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
