I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
