I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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