Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
