My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
