dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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