I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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