I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
