Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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