Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
