is wine microwaveable?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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