I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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