This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
