I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
