SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
vagina is talking i cant
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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