it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
