The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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