Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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