dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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