hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
