All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
