Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
