he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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